Kenny Hoffman loved Los Angeles
Sure, he managed enough starlet wannabes out here to have a bit of a rep, and some of them weren’t even horrible singers/actresses/what-freaking-ever. Well, relatively speaking, anyway. But it was his side interests that really had him living the life. A little drug-dealing here (coke hadn’t gone out of style with the L.A.
You see, Kenny loved the ladies, and these L.A. Los Angeles
He’d had to dial it down a little in recent years, on account of his ticker. Getting older sucked. He was forty-one, far from being a relic by any stretch, but his heart had some kind of genetic factors that put him at higher risk; at least that’s what his doctor told him. So, he popped his aspirin and Cardizem like a good boy and had his doctor on speed dial. He worked out three times a week, more to keep up his looks and stamina than any medical concern, but it still counted. He could stand to eat healthier, but eh. He wasn’t about to turn into one of those sunken-cheeked vegans sucking down wheat grass juice or God-knows-what else. Nuh uh.
However, it wasn’t all glamour and hot sex with hotter women. He’d had more than his share of trouble, and to be honest, Kenny had to admit a lot of it was because he just didn’t know when to quit. That same tenacity that kept him on his game sometimes blew up in his face. Like it had with that fucking Estell girl. Heather Estell was some smoking hot blonde just off the bus from Wisconsin
Then she got pregnant. Kenny always knew it was a possibility. Condoms break, and the pill wasn’t 100% effective. He’d tried to sweet-talk her into keeping her mouth shut, and just giving up the baby for adoption. However, he hadn’t counted on her daddy being some hotshot lawyer who didn’t take too kindly to some slimeball L.A.
Nonetheless, Kenny knew it was going to take a lot of money to make this go away. Money he didn’t currently have. However, a good friend of his who dealt with the Colombian cartel turned Kenny on to a creative solution for his money woes. He didn’t fully grasp all the science behind it, but he got enough to know how perfect it was. When Kenny was done, he’d made enough to make the Estell problem disappear, pay off his bookies (gambling was something else Kenny did just a bit past moderation), and he still had enough left over to do a little expansion to his coke operation. He was pretty pleased with himself.
Kenny had one of his newer starry-eyed pop singer wannabes coming over to his office in about an hour. If she’d wondered why her agent wanted her to come by so late, she didn’t say. Such a trusting girl, and those legs…he felt his heart quicken just thinking about it as he parked his BMW in the lot. He was pretty sure he could ‘close the deal’ with her tonight, but he just needed to do a line first. It dimly occurred to him that he ought to cut back on the blow, too. It wasn’t doing his heart any favors. He smirked, and muttered, “Screw it. Ya gotta die of something.” He unlocked the door, and took the stairs to his private office.
His appointment knew to just let herself in, but in the meantime…he opened his office door, flicked the light on, and just stopped, his mouth a perfect ‘O’ of surprise. His fine Italian leather chair was being occupied by a man he’d never seen. His unexpected guest had olive skin, jet black hair in a ponytail, and a snow white, double-breasted suit that probably cost more than his whole wardrobe. Steely grey eyes fixed him above a hard grin that looked positively predatory. In short, everything about this guy screamed ‘trouble’.
Oh, shit. Kenny finally managed to get out some intelligible speech. “W-who the f-“.
His guest cut him off smoothly, “Kenny, Kenny, Kenn-ay…relax, pal. Angelo, get our friend Kenny a seat, wontcha?”
“Sure, boss.” Another voice behind him, and a heavy hand fell on his shoulder, ‘guiding’ him to a chair on the other side of his desk. A quick glance at his other guest made him whimper in fear. The guy sitting at his desk chuckled, “I don’t think Kenny here likes your face, Angelo.”
‘Angelo’ fixed Kenny with a cold stare, but spoke to the other man, “Fine with me, boss. I don’t like anything about this little maggot.”
Kenny turned back to the other man and said, “Look, I don’t know who you are, but my safe’s behind the picture of the jars, you can have whatev-“
‘Angelo’ cuffed the back of his head, hard, and Kenny fell silent after a yelp of protest. “Shut up, worm.”
The other guy clucked his tongue, “Angelo, easy on the guy. For now.” He appraised Kenny, still grinning, “Sorry about that, my friend. Angelo gets a little ‘enthusiastic’ sometimes. Comfy?”
Kenny opened his mouth to reply, but got cut off again, “Fantastic. Let’s get down to it. I know you have ‘company’ coming, so I’ll be as brief as you let me. I have questions. You’re going to answer them, and then we’re done. Angelo and I leave, and you can ‘entertain’ your client.”
Kenny finally managed to get out, “Who the hell ARE you?”
His ‘guest’ chuckled, “How rude of me not to introduce myself. I’m Tommy.”
He heard his office door being shut behind him. Then locked.
Tommy’s grin turned even colder. He leaned forward, setting his elbows on Kenny’s desk, and said, “Let’s get started, shall we?” He linked his hands and rested his chin on them, “You see, Kenny, I’m looking for a guy. A guy you did business with a couple months ago.”
Oh SHIT. Kenny knew what this ‘Tommy’ was referring to, and he knew he was as good as dead if he told him about it. Frantically, he decided to play dumb. If this guy was mob (he damn sure LOOKED the part), maybe he’d be dumb enough to buy it. Kenny hoped so, anyway.
“Uh, I dunno, pal. I do business with a lot of people out here. Ya gotta be more, like, specific.”
Tommy’s eyes flickered to Angelo behind him, and Angelo cuffed him across the back of the head again. Tommy leaned back in Kenny’s chair, his tone all business now, “Ok, if that’s how we’re going to play it…let me tell you a little story.”
Tommy regarded Kenny with contempt, “See, a few months ago some fugazi of a half-assed talent agent who can’t keep his dick in his pants knocked up some girl. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.”
Kenny wisely decided not to take him up on the offer.
Tommy continued, “What our friend hadn’t bargained on was the girl’s daddy being a high-powered lawyer from NYC who’s a friend to the ‘Big Five’, if you catch my drift. Now that’s trouble our little friend doesn’t need, but he doesn’t have the cabbage to make it go away. Not yet.”
Kenny blinked. Holy hell. He hadn’t even KNOWN the girl’s father was ‘connected’!
Tommy went on, “So our friend gets with some local ‘talent’ who specialize in, shall we say, ‘unauthorized gold transfers’. Somehow, he gets these guys – all of whom I know of, incidentally – to agree to a job. Thirty percent up front, the rest when the goods are sold. Not a bad piece of negotiation, actually. Nice job.”
Kenny said, “T-thanks!” Angelo cuffed him again. Kenny shut up. Tommy went on.
“So, the gold’s sold off, our pal pays off his crew, and the lawyer. Happy ending, right? But here’s where our story gets a little confusing. You see, I’ve talked to your crew. They did, in fact, hit a gold repository. Your little scheme pulled in just over half a ton of gold.”
Tommy smirked, watching the blood drain from Kenny’s face. “Is any of this starting to ring a bell?”
Kenny was royally screwed. He could only nod, dumbly.
“Great. Here’s the strange part: There’s not a single repository on this planet that carries that much gold…and would fail to report it missing. And yet, not a single one of them has. It’s like you pulled a half ton of gold out of your ass, for all intents and purposes. But it’s all right, Kenny. I have a theory. Wanna hear it?”
Kenny mumbled, “Yes, please.” He was sweating profusely, and his heart was hammering in his chest. He didn’t like where this was going at ALL.
“Polite. I like that. All right, now I’ll spare you all the complicated science cuz frankly, we’re both businessmen, not quantum physicists. Suffice to say, there’s whole other realities out there, and if you know the right people, you can travel to one of them. The guy I’m looking for works for those people. See, here’s how I got it figured. Some guy put you in touch with a Mr. Boyle from a little outfit called SLS.”
And there it was. Kenny could only gape at Tommy. Tommy couldn’t be mob; even they couldn’t know all this. Who the hell WAS this guy??
Tommy sneered. “I see the name strikes a familiar chord, my friend. So, Boyle arranges for a portal to another Earth, and a team to escort your boys to and from their job. That must’ve cost a huge chunk of change. Your boys hit some gold repository over there, SLS takes its cut first, and you guys split the rest. That sound about right?”
Kenny murmured, “Please…I can’t…he’ll kill me.”
Tommy quirked a brow, all trace of friendliness gone, “He isn’t here, maggot. We are. Boyle probably told you to lose his number, but you didn’t, did you? I want that number, Hoffman. And you want to give it to me. Now.”
Angelo cuffed the back of Kenny’s head again, even harder. Kenny’s vision swam for a moment. “You want to do what he says, you piece of shit. You aren’t even smart enough to know how much trouble you’re in, but I’ll give ya a hint. It’s a lot.”
Tommy cut in, his voice frosty, “The number. Or I take it from your mind and buddy, you don’t want that.”
Kenny slumped, defeated. “It’s on a pad in my desk. Second drawer to your left. Under the name ‘Mr. Yoble.’ See, it’s an anagram of...”
“I know what an anagram is, you disgusting little shit. Shut the fuck up.”
Kenny did so.
Tommy retrieved the pad, and tore the sheet off it. It disappeared into his pocket, and he stood smoothly to tower over Kenny.
“See? That wasn’t so hard, right? And now, we’re going to clear out of here before your little fuck-buddy shows up. Piece of advice, Kenny….”
Kenny almost didn’t hear him. He could hardly believe he was going to get out of this in one piece. Maybe his luck was still holding…wait, what was that?
“What was that?”
Tommy sneered, “Take care of that heart of yours. It wouldn’t take much for it to seize up on you.”
Kenny furrowed his brow, and then winced in pain. His heart was still pounding, but it seemed to be speeding up somehow. His mind was awash in unreasoning terror that he couldn’t explain.
“Not much…at all….”
Tommy’s voice sounded far away. Kenny gasped in pain, clutching his left arm. It felt like it was on fire, and in fact he noted he was sweating even more than before. Was something wrong with…?
“Not much….”
The pain in his chest felt like it was being crushed. Oh God, it hurt too much to breathe!
“….at all….”
He felt cold, so cold. Kenny couldn’t catch his breath. This had to be it….had to…
Tommy watched Kenny tumble out of his chair to the floor. He watched the man squirm briefly, and then lie very still. Tommy’s grey eyes dimmed slightly. “Told ya.”
Angelo grunted, “Nice trick, boss.” Tommy shrugged.
Tommy shrugged, and keyed in Boyle’s number to his cell phone, texting it to Phoebe, “Not that hard. According to his cardiologist, Kenny’s ticker was a time bomb anyway.”
Angelo nodded, “So, are we done here, boss?”
Tommy suddenly grinned, “Almost. I saw an animal shelter on the way here. Let’s go take a look.” He put his phone away.
“What??”
Tommy laughed, “C’mon, Conti. I got a friend who needs a dog, and she doesn’t even know it. And we need to pick up a nice belly shirt for my best prizefighter.”
Angelo sighed. “No offense, Tommy, but you’re damn weird sometimes.”
“None taken. Now let’s get moving. We got shopping to do.”
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